A Different Fate
by lordhellebore
Summary: COMPLETE: AU: JKR portrays Harry as completely unaffected by the Avada Kedavra cast at him. But how would things have gone if it had been different? Drabble series, five drabbles per chapter.
1. Chapter 1

**Disclaimer:** All characters and settings of Harry Potter are the property of J.K. Rowling and her publishers. No money is being made._  
_

* * *

_  
01 - Protection _

It's not Dumbledore's letter that makes her defy her husband and take him in. She is not afraid of the old man, and she doesn't care for the fate of his world.

But she will never forget the moment twenty-two years ago when bright green eyes had opened to meet hers.

"You're a big sister now," her mother had said, placing the tiny baby on the three-year-old's lap. "You'll have to help us protect her."

She had failed then, but not this time. Once again, Petunia stares into green baby eyes. She holds the boy tight and closes the door.

.-.-.-.

_02 - Care _

Petunia is sitting in the rocking chair in the living room, holding Harry. Each night he wakes them, screaming and crying. Vernon is annoyed, but she is simply tired. Had she witnessed her parents being murdered, she'd have nightmares, too.

For a while, his crying and her singing echo through the room like an oddly matching melody, until he slowly falls silent. It will be no use bringing him back to bed, so she pulls the blanket around them tighter and closes her eyes. His little weight is warm and soft on her lap, and soon she, too, falls asleep.

.-.-.-.

_03 - Contrast_

At twenty-two months, Dudley is chubby and tall. He says "mummy" and "daddy", "Dudley" and "Harry", and some other words mostly centred around toys and food. Since half a year ago, he'll run to the door when he hears Vernon's car in the evening.

Harry is small for his age and doesn't eat well. He has made no move to get up from all fours, and he hasn't said a word. By now, it's too obvious to explain it away by saying all children are different. Petunia has made an appointment at the hospital. She dreads what they will find.

.-.-.-.

_04 - Diagnosis_

Two months and several hospital visits later, Petunia is sitting in the darkness of the living room with Harry once again. Expressions like "severe developmental delay", "brain damage", and "therapy" are echoing in her mind, and now more than ever does she hate the world that first took her sister, and now is responsible for this.

But what upsets and scares her more than the doctors' words on paper are the words her husband uses: "foster family", "adoption", "children's home".

Harry whimpers in his sleep, and she looks down at little fists clinging at her nightgown.

What will she do?

.-.-.-.

_05 - Resentment _

Looking at Vernon, she resents him for being so heartless. For wanting to abandon a child who has done nothing except needing a family and a home.

Looking at Harry, she resents him for not being normal, for making her lose her husband, for needing her so much.

Sometimes, she even resents Dudley, for showing her how Harry should be and never will.

More than anyone, though, she resents herself, for not being able to find a solution for all of them. She knows she will have to choose, and nobody can help her with it.

Decisions are always lonely._  
_


	2. Chapter 2

_06 - Guilt _

Petunia has gone to bed early, but she can't sleep. The bed is huge without Vernon's bulk beside her, and she misses the snoring that had driven her mad at the beginning of their marriage.

When Harry starts crying, she doesn't get up. She listens with cold apathy until after half an hour a sleepy Dudley is standing in the door to get her. When she finally comes to him, Harry is sobbing spasmodically, his face flushed and smeared with tears and snot.

The children will soon forget about it, but not her. Never before has she felt so guilty.

.-.-.-.

_07 - Torture _

Harry is three years old, and whenever they go out, Petunia wishes the plague on the people they meet. Every time, she can hear them whisper, see them stare.

"Such a big boy and still in a pushchair," random strangers tell Harry. "Why don't you walk like your big brother?"

She wants to yell at them, then, that he would walk if only he could, and that they should _think_ before they talk, and thank God for being healthy. But she swallows her bitter words along with her pride, and sometimes, she even manages to smile.

Hell is other people.

.-.-.-.

_08 - Understanding_

She feels uncomfortable with all eyes on her, and for some moments, she wishes she hadn't come. But then she thinks of all the tears and sleepless nights, and the desperate hope she had felt when she'd found the ad of the self-help group in the paper.

"My name is Petunia," she finally starts, head bowed, hands wrapped around her cup, "and it's about my nephew, Harry..."

Ten minutes later she is crying, a comforting arm around her shoulders, surrounded by people who don't judge but understand her. For the first time since the diagnosis, she doesn't feel alone.

.-.-.-.

_ 09 - Joy _

It's a Saturday afternoon in March, and Dudley is with his father. Petunia is ironing in the living room while Harry is quietly playing with his bricks at her feet.

She has looked away only for a moment, but suddenly he is up and walking, one small, shaky step after the other.

A second later, Petunia has swept him up in her arms and is kissing him. She feels a joy that takes her breath away, a joy so sharp that it hurts. A joy she has never felt with Dudley.

It's moments like this that make it all worthwhile.

.-.-.-.

_10 - Disobedience _

Five-year-old Dudley knows that he mustn't hit others. His mother is very strict about that. Once, when he'd slapped Harry when they'd been smaller, he'd had to spend all afternoon alone in his room.

But when he sees Harry crying, his teddy bear lying in a puddle of mud next to his broken glasses, he doesn't care. A short fight later, Piers and his friend are no longer laughing, but crying as well.

Dudley wipes his bleeding nose and looks after them as they run away. No matter what Mum will tell him later, he knows he won't be sorry.


	3. Chapter 3

_11 - Conclusions_

That day, when Dudley asks his mother why the others are always teasing Harry, she tells him it's because Harry is different, and they think they're better than him.

Dudley doesn't know about _better_, but he sure knows that Harry is much_ nicer_ than most other children. So why would it matter that Harry can't talk, that he still needs nappies, or that he can't tie his shoes like Dudley?

He comes to the conclusion that people who think such things are stupid. His mother usually doesn't like him saying that about others, but when he tells her, she smiles.

.-.-.-.

_12 - Worries _

Dudley is seven, and he is worried. Dad told him something when he'd been with him today, and he doesn't know what to think about it. He hasn't told Mum yet, because he's scared of what she might answer. After he goes to bed, he lies awake, thinking.

Dad said it was Harry who made him leave. Dudley can't imagine how he could have done that, but if it's true, he can't like Harry any more, can he? He doesn't want that to happen, and he doesn't know what to do.

Finally, late at night, Dudley cries himself to sleep.

.-.-.-.

_13 - Truth _

Petunia always hoped she'd never have to do this, but Dudley's question leaves her no choice.

"He's like Piers," she tries to explain. "He doesn't like Harry because he's different. That's why he left. Harry didn't do anything." It wouldn't do to tell anything but the truth.

"You're wrong," an upset Dudley insists. "Dad is an adult! Adults aren't so stupid!"

She doesn't know what to answer, and it's painful to watch unwilling realisation spread over Dudley's face. He is too young for this.

Dudley doesn't contradict anymore, and while she holds her crying son, Petunia silently curses his father.

.-.-.-.

_14 - Consequences _

"I want to go home."

Those are the last words Dudley has spoken to his father, and now the silence in the car is deafening.

Vernon has never hit his son before. But today, it happened. It happened, because despite all admonishments, Dudley wouldn't stop talking about how Vernon lied to him. About how there's nothing wrong with Harry. About how it was all Vernon's fault.

"I want to go home," Dudley said, eyes brimming with tears, the red fingerprints on his cheek slowly fading away.

Vernon is scared of losing his son. And this time, it's entirely his fault.

.-.-.-.

_15 - Comfort _

Late at night, Dudley hears Harry crying. He wonders if he should wake Mum, but then he goes over and crawls under the blanket next to his cousin. He tells him that he needn't be scared, then shifts and kisses his cheek. Dad said big boys don't kiss, but he lied about other things, too.

Harry is silent now, and Dudley sighs and closes his eyes. He hasn't been sleeping well lately, but when Harry snuggles close, smelling familiar of nappies and cream, he feels comforted. Harry wouldn't lie to him.

Within a few minutes, both boys are deeply asleep.


	4. Chapter 4

_16 - Surprise_

Petunia hates the crowded shops of London, and she wishes she were home already. She's tired from a whole day of waiting and calming Harry down during various examinations at the hospital, Dudley is whiny, and Harry resorted to constant, quiet sobbing several hours ago.

On top of it all, Harry is suddenly gone from her hand and bumping into a stranger some feet away. She sighs, intending to approach and apologise, but Harry's voice makes her freeze where she stands.

"Remus! Remus!"

The stranger stares at the boy clinging to him, looking just as shocked as Petunia feels.

"Harry?"

.-.-.-.

_17 - Visit _

Petunia and Remus Lupin are having tea and chatting politely, Harry having climbed on the visitor's lap almost as soon as he sat down. Petunia hates that he is a wizard. She doesn't want anything to do with their world, and he doesn't belong here – in her kitchen, her life.

"Remus," Harry says again, smiling brightly, and Petunia suppresses a sigh. How could she refuse to see the man who makes Harry smile like this, the man who makes him _speak_?

When Lupin has to leave Harry starts crying, and it's only then that Petunia asks him to visit again.

.-.-.-.

_18 - Impressions _

Remus's first impression is that James and Lily would turn in their graves if they could see their son: an eight-year-old boy in nappies, who sometimes drools and doesn't speak a word beside Remus's name.

But he visits again, and each time, he sees other things, too, and his impression changes. He sees the boys play together, sees Harry smile and laugh with Dudley. He sees Mrs. Dursley hold and kiss her nephew, treating him as if he were her own.

He was wrong, he realises. James and Lily would be pleased - pleased to know that Harry is loved.

.-.-.-.

_19 - Mum _

Dudley is with his father, Petunia and Harry having dinner at home. Suddenly, Harry stops eating, looking at Petunia intently.

"Mum," he says as though it were the most natural thing on earth, as though he'd said it a thousand times already.

Petunia feels dizzy and close to tears, but she doesn't know if she could stop were she to cry, and she doesn't want to frighten him. All she manages is a smile, and that seems enough for Harry.

"Mum," he says again, then goes on eating, and for this precious evening, all her fears and regrets are forgotten.

.-.-.-.

_20 - Gratitude _

It's been only a few weeks since he called Petunia "Mum," but now Harry is talking daily, naming people and objects like any normal toddler would.

His speech therapist and doctors are amazed. They didn't think any more that he'd ever learn to speak. He must have had the potential all along, they suspect, but something blocked him from using it.

Petunia is sure that she knows what rendered Harry silent, and she also knows whom she has to thank for his voice. She starts thinking that it's not Mr. Lupin's fault, after all, that he was born a wizard.


	5. Chapter 5

_21 - Perspective_

Remus knows how it feels to be considered a freak. He knows the stares, the whispers. What he didn't know was how much worse it feels when they're not directed at you, but at someone you love.

Mrs. Dursley doesn't complain, but he sees her frown and press her lips together, and he sees how she sometimes looks at Harry – as if she wanted to protect him from the world.

Being with them is good for him; it puts things into perspective. Life has been hard on him, but he isn't the only one. It's time to stop wallowing in self-pity.

.-.-.-.

_22 - Happiness _

Petunia is sitting on the terrace with a glass of iced tea, watching the boys play football with Mr. Lupin. After a while, she closes her eyes, tired from the heat, just listening to their shouting and laughing.

This summer, she feels a light-heartedness she almost forgot exists. Lupin is doing the boys good, she can't deny it, and she's beyond disliking him for what he is.

Only sometimes, melancholy threatens to creep in - it should be Vernon playing with them, Vernon making them so happy. But she mustn't complain. Life hasn't been this good in a long time.

.-.-.-.

_23 - Wishes _

It's a surprise when Remus realises that it's been a long time since he came only to see Harry. He finds himself looking forward to playing with Dudley too, and, strangely, especially to seeing Mrs. Dursley.

She isn't his type – she's too thin, too pale, and she hardly laughs. But the more he gets to know her, the more he respects and admires her, and the more beautiful she seems to become.

Remus wishes he could do more for her than he is doing now. He wishes she would talk to him about her worries. He wishes they were closer.

.-.-.-.

_24 - Closeness _

She'll never remember how exactly it happened, but suddenly, Harry was lying under the tree he had climbed, screaming and crying.

She pulled herself together throughout all of it, but now that they're back from the hospital and Harry is finally sleeping, the broken arm safe in a cast, her legs give in under her. When she slumps down on the couch, Lupin's arms wrap around her, and she doesn't resist the sudden closeness. He was there with them in the hospital, has been there for them for months. Petunia realises that she doesn't want him to ever leave again.

.-.-.-.

_25 - Confession _

"You're a _Werewolf_?!"

Petunia's first instinct is to tell him to leave and not come back. Werewolves are dangerous Dark Creatures – she learnt enough from Lily to know that.

Remus looks anxious, weary, guilty. She can't take it and looks away, but her eyes fall on a picture of Harry on the wall, and suddenly, it is she who feels guilty. She should know better than to judge people because they're different.

Her fingers curl firmly around his as she makes her decision.

"I don't care."

It's a lie, for now, but Petunia is determined to make it become truth.


	6. Chapter 6

_26 – Dance_

When the babysitter calls in sick, Petunia is disappointed. She hasn't been out to dance since before she gave birth to Dudley.

But Remus tells her not to worry, and now the room is dark except for a few candles, the music coming from the record player soft and slow. His arms are firmly around her, her head on his shoulder, and it doesn't matter so much that this is only her living room, and that she cooked dinner herself instead of eating out.

For the first time in years, she feels more like a woman than just a mother.

.-.-.-.

_27 – Apprehension_

Dudley likes Remus, and Harry does too, and it's obvious that Mum is in love with him. It's yucky to see them kiss, but since they're doing it, she is much happier, and that, in turn, makes Dudley happy.

Despite that, he can't help worrying. Mum and Dad loved each other as well, but Dad still left them. Remus seems to be different, but Dudley wishes he could know for sure. He doesn't want Mum to get hurt, or Harry.

Only when he lies safely in bed, shortly before falling asleep, he can admit that he's scared also for himself.

.-.-.-.

_28 - Flashback_

Harry is backed into a corner of the kitchen, shrieking hysterically. Whenever Petunia tries touching him, he starts thrashing as if his life were at stake, and she has no doubt that in his mind, it is.

From the corner of her eye, she can see Remus lead a crying Dudley outside, but all she can think of is Harry, staring in terror at Remus's raised wand. Raised because after months of Dudley begging, she had given in and allowed Remus to show him some magic. Raised just like another wand eight years ago – a wand Harry has never forgotten.

.-.-.-.

_29 - Disillusionment_

Dudley always loved books that involved magic, and he used to wish it was real.

Now, learning that Harry's parents were murdered by a wizard, and that Harry could be a normal boy if it weren't for magic, Dudley doesn't think anymore that it's so great. He can't imagine that he'll ever forget how scared Harry was at the sight of a wand.

It's strange – he never thought about how it would feel if the things in his books happened to real people, let alone himself. Now he knows, and he wishes he didn't. He wishes there was no magic.

.-.-.-.

_30 - Warning_

Petunia stares at the woman sitting at the table with her in shock, forgetting the tea and cake in front of her, and he smell of cats that is permeating the room.

"It won't matter to Dumbledore that he is handicapped," Mrs. Figg goes on. "In a year, when Harry is eleven, he'll take him and try to prepare him for fighting. I wasn't sure why I never told him Harry wasn't normal, but now I think I finally know."

She reaches over the table, gripping Petunia's hand tightly.

"Leave. Take your family and leave before it is too late."


	7. Chapter 7

_31 - Decision_

During the next weeks, Petunia watches the boys with a heavy heart. She doesn't want to take them away from their schools and friends, from everything they know. And she doesn't want to make Dudley leave his father.

But if Mrs. Figg is right, Harry will lose much more if she does nothing. Whenever she watches him play, happy and free of concerns, she asks herself how anyone could possibly want to make him fight. He's just a little child – a child who is scared of magic.

Petunia knows that it would break him, and she can't let that happen.

.-.-.-.

_32 - Proposal_

"…have to leave, for Harry's sake. It's the only solution."

Staring down at her hands clenched in her lap, Petunia waits for whatever Remus has to say. She was scared of telling him, scared of losing him. Recently, they've been talking about him moving in, but how could she ever ask him to run away with them?

His hands close around her own, large and warm.

"Petunia," he says softly, and she raises her head to face him. He looks at her earnestly, and for some inexplicable reason, her stomach flutters.

"Once we got there, will you become my wife?"

.-.-.-.

_33 - Preparations_

Once the decision is made, things proceed quickly. They choose Canada, because they speak English there, and also because they have national health insurance, which is important for Harry's therapies.

Secretly, Remus Apparates over to buy a house, look for a job, and enrol the boys at school. Petunia never asks how he managed to bypass the immigration process.

To her, the worst thing is not leaving – it's not telling the boys until the very day they'll move. She feels like a bad mother, especially toward Dudley, and she hopes and prays that he will not hate her for this.

.-.-.-.

_34 - Arrival_

When he awakes in the morning in a strange house, Dudley storms into the kitchen, demanding to know what's going on.

Petunia tries to explain: that Remus shrank their possessions and Apparated them here, and also Apparated the boys while they were sleeping. That it's for Harry. That they can't go back.

Dudley stares mutely, his world crashing down around him. After some seconds, he turns and slams the door behind him.

She wants to follow and comfort him, but finds that the world is spinning around her. Moments later, Remus enters and finds her on the kitchen floor, unconscious.

.-.-.-.

_35 - Repercussions_

Petunia is desperate.

They've been here for two months, slowly settling into a routine, with their last names changed, their new jobs starting well, and no problems at school for the children.

The first full moon with Remus was awkward, but she is sure they will get used to it. Tentatively, they have started to talk about their wedding.

All seems well on the outside, and she could begin to relax, if it weren't for one thing.

Dudley hasn't taken to hating her, but she thinks that she wouldn't mind so much any more.

It's worse: now he hates Harry.


	8. Chapter 8

_36 - Blame_

Dudley hates everything about this place. He has no friends – the way he sulks around, it's hard to find new ones – and his father isn't here, either. He can't even phone him, or write.

And all of it is Harry's fault. It was when Dad left, it is now, and who knows what else he'll have to give up for Harry in the future.

Dudley doesn't talk or play with him any more. When Harry comes to his room, he throws him out. Sometimes, when nobody is looking, he even pushes or punches him.

It doesn't make him feel better.

.-.-.-.

_37 - Regression_

Harry has grown even thinner lately, and paler too. They'd just started doing away with the nappies during daytime, but suddenly, it is impossible again. At night, just like when he was little, he'll more and more often wake up crying. Even his speech has begun to regress.

The reason is obvious, but no amount of talking to Dudley will work. "I don't care," is all he has to say.

One day, Harry gives him a picture, showing stick-figures of the two of them holding hands. He rips it apart without a word and doesn't stay to see Harry cry.

.-.-.-.

_38 - Conditions_

"All right," Brian says between two mouthfuls of pasta, "I'll come. But only if that stupid retard isn't there again."

He's the first friend Dudley has found so far, and it's the second time Dudley invites him home. The last time didn't go well: Brian doesn't like Harry, which he made quite clear to Dudley once they were alone.

But tomorrow, Harry will be at the speech therapist's, and they'll have the whole house to themselves.

"He won't be," Dudley assures, and Brian nods that it's okay. Dudley should be happy, but finds that for some unknown reason, he isn't.

.-.-.-.

_39 - Turning Point_

The therapist is sick and Harry is home, but instead of avoiding him, Brian is standing at his door, making faces and mean comments. Dudley shouldn't care, but still wishes he would stop.

Then Brian starts imitating Harry, making drool run down his chin.

"Look, I look just as stupid as him now," he says.

Harry stares back at them, pale and silent, and suddenly, Dudley can't take it anymore. Before he knows what he's doing, he's shoved Brian away from the door.

"Harry's not stupid!" he snaps. "_You_ are! Sod off, I don't want you to be my friend!"

.-.-.-.

_40 - Realisation_

When Brian is gone, Dudley feels no loss. He turns to Harry, wanting to hug him, wanting to comfort him. He always does, after all. Harry flinches and takes a step back, and Dudley freezes. For a moment, he'd forgotten everything else. Now he remembers, and he doesn't know what to do.

He told Brian he was the stupid one, but what about himself? Suddenly, all he wants is having Harry back – screw friends, screw everyone else. But it seems too late, and it's his own fault.

In the end, he simply leaves for his room. He feels like crying.


	9. Chapter 9

_41 - Reconciliation_

That night, Dudley can't sleep. He misses Harry – more than his friends, more than Dad. But he doesn't know how to change things between them. Harry's scared of him, and Dudley feels like the biggest asshole in the world. He's supposed to protect Harry, not scare him! Remembering how his cousin flinched away from him, Dudley finally starts crying.

He doesn't notice Harry until suddenly, there's a body right next to him. Slowly, thin arms wrap around him, and he hears Harry speak the first words in weeks:

"Dudley, not cry..."

He cries more, instead, but it doesn't last long.

.-.-.-.

_42 - Bullies_

"Dudley loves a reeetard! Dudley loves a reeetard!"

Dudley is standing on the schoolyard, fists tightly clenched at his sides. He'd like to hit Brian and his friends, but he knows it would get him into trouble and make Mum sad, and he made her worry more than enough lately.

He tries not to listen and instead thinks of Harry – Harry, who comes to his bed every night now, who clings to him like he were scared to lose him again, who drools on his pyjama and makes his sheets smell of nappies.

"Dudley loves a reeetard!"

Yes. So what?

.-.-.-.

_43 - Discovery_

It's a Saturday afternoon in summer; Remus is reading in the living room, and Petunia is preparing a cake in the kitchen. She is humming softly to the music from the radio, looking outside every now and then to watch the boys play in the garden.

The doorbell rings, and she wipes her flour-stained hands before going to answer it, throwing a short glance at the picture of both her and Remus in wedding attire that is hanging in the corridor.

She opens the door with a smile, but it freezes on her lips as she recognises the visitor.

"Severus."

.-.-.-.

_44 - Waiting_

When it had become clear that Harry Potter and his family had left England, Dumbledore had sent Severus to investigate. It had been difficult and taken months, but finally, he'd found a trace.

They'd wondered what the reason might be – Arabella Figg refused to cooperate – but they had never even come close to the truth.

Severus has listened to them explaining, and he has talked to a shy and obviously handicapped boy. Now the family is gathered in the kitchen, crowded protectively around Harry, waiting for Severus to destroy the child's life.

Destroy it like he did ten years ago.

.-.-.-.-.

_45 - Escape_

The kitchen clock is ticking loudly in the tense silence as Severus stares at Harry, struggling to make up his mind.

Harry Potter. The child who looks like James Potter, but smaller, frailer. The child with Lily's eyes. The child because of whom Lily is gone forever. The child Lily loved enough to die for. The child who could have been his, if only…

He tears his gaze away and gets up abruptly, quick strides taking him to the kitchen doorway where he pauses for only a moment.

"I never found you," he says, then leaves. He doesn't look back.


	10. Chapter 10

_46 - Equal_

Severus watches Longbottom stumble through his first Potions lesson, a clumsy boy who seems scared by Severus's mere sight.

Potter wasn't the child in the prophecy, Severus is certain by now. He was marked by the Dark Lord, but that is all. He's anything but his equal. It has to be Longbottom, marked equal simply by being functional.

Severus is glad about it. He doesn't know how he'd have coped with having Potter here.

At the end of the lesson, he knows that he will regret it, but he'll do whatever is necessary.

"Class dismissed," he says. "Longbottom, stay behind."

.-.-.-.

_47 - Offering_

Neville doesn't dare look at Snape. He must have made some awful mistake, having to stay behind right at his first day at school.

"Longbottom," Snape says stiffly, and Neville can't help wincing. "If you ever find yourself with problems you don't wish to discuss with your grandmother or Professor McGonagall, I want you to know that I'll be there to help."

Stunned, Neville stares at his teacher. "But…why?"

Snape looks uncomfortable, staying silent for a while.

"Everybody should have someone to rely on," he finally says.

Neville isn't sure he understands, but it sounds good. He risks a smile.

.-.-.-.

_48 - Stupid_

Harry doesn't know that he's thirteen; he doesn't do well with numbers. What he does know is that he's just as old as Dudley. Lately, though, he's been noticing things that confuse him.

Dudley can read and write, just like Mum, or Remus. Dudley can tie his shoes alone; he doesn't need nappies at night, and there are so many things he understands that Harry doesn't.

Harry's friends at school are more like himself, but most people aren't. Some look at him strangely or say mean things. He doesn't understand all of them, but he knows the meaning of "stupid".

.-.-.-.

_49 - Sleepless_

Dudley can't sleep. Tonight, Harry asked him some questions, and he didn't have answers. He's angry that Harry should have to ask them, but now that it happened, he'll have to talk to their parents.

Dudley switches on the light and watches Harry sleep for a while. The tears have dried away from his cheeks, but he's still looking troubled.

Wrapping his arms around him, Dudley wishes he could do more, that he could protect Harry better. But he can't stop the looks and comments, and he can't stop Harry from thinking.

"You're not stupid. They are. So, so much."

.-.-.-.

_50 - Explanations_

"You're not stupid." Speaking the word alone makes Petunia physically unwell. "You can't do some things others can. It's called 'disabled'. It's nothing bad."

"Why do they say it?"

"Because they don't like people being different. Maybe they're scared," she tries, but she can see that Harry doesn't understand.

"My friends at school are different from me. But I'm not scared of them."

Sighing, she pulls up his bedcovers. "That makes you smarter than most others."

"I don't understand that," Harry whispers. She can hear his frustration, and it makes her heart clench. For him, nothing will be like before.


	11. Chapter 11

_51 - Labels_

Harry knows three new words, and he hates them.

The first is "normal". That's what Dudley is, and Mum, and most everyone else. He should be too, but isn't. It means reading, and going to the park on your own, and driving a car one day.

The second is "disabled". That's what he is, and his friends from school. It means not being able to talk, like Anne, or rocking and mumbling all day, like Martin. Or drooling, and needing nappies at night, like himself.

Then there's the third word – a word people sometimes use instead of "disabled".

It's "freak".

.-.-.-.

_52 - Regret_

Petunia always did everything so Harry could make the most out of his possibilities. He's grown smarter than the doctors anticipated, and she used to be glad about it.

Lately, though, she almost regrets it.

Harry used to be happy and outgoing – now he's whiny and discontent. He doesn't like leaving home except for school, and he doesn't like meeting people.

"They'll laugh at me," is his answer when she asks why.

She's never seen him so desperate, and sometimes, she finds herself wishing his impairment were worse. Just enough so he'd never notice, never understand.

Wouldn't that be better?

.-.-.-.

_53 - Despair_

Remus is still at work, Mum is having tea with a neighbour. Dudley doesn't mind staying home with Harry, but today, he wishes he weren't alone.

It took him fifteen minutes to find Harry, and now he's kneeling in front of the open cupboard, watching his cousin cry and slap himself in the face again and again.

"Harry?" Dudley gets no reaction, and none either when he touches him. In the end, he simply holds him close, Harry's feeble struggles soon dying down, although he's still crying.

They wait like this on the floor until finally, Remus comes home.

.-.-.-.

_54 - Hope_

Petunia is wary of psychologists. Her parents took her when Lily went away to Hogwarts, but it didn't help any. She couldn't watch Harry get worse by the day, though, and now she's glad Remus talked her into it.

Dr. Rayburn is gentle and soft-spoken, and it didn't take long for her to earn Harry's trust. She can't work miracles – after six months, Harry still hits himself when he's upset. But he's less restless now; he'll play in the garden again and sometimes let them take him to the park.

Hope comes in baby steps, but it comes nonetheless.

.-.-.-.

_55 - Counseling_

Harry likes Dr. Rayburn. She's nice, and pretty, and he feels better since he goes to her.

She'll ask him to draw pictures, or play games, and sometimes she wants to talk about things that hurt him. Like Mum, she always can explain things in a way he understands.

Mum already tried to explain that being disabled isn't his fault. He had an accident when he was small; some people have accidents when they're born, or even when they're inside their mum's tummy.

Dr. Rayburn helps him to believe it – _really_ believe it. And somehow, that makes all the difference.


	12. Chapter 12

_56 - Togetherness _

"It's…not normal?" Harry is looking at Remus in confusion.

"No. Most people don't know about werewolves. And those who know don't like them."

He takes Harry's hand, squeezing gently.

"Usually kids don't want to play with you when you're a werewolf. People stare and say mean things even now that I'm grown-up."

Harry stays silent for a while, then realisation spreads across his face, his eyes going wide. Moments later, he's clinging tightly to Remus, who smiles at Dr. Rayburn gratefully. He realises that he should've told Harry long ago. That he understands. That he knows.

That Harry isn't alone.

.-.-.-.

_57 - Crush_

Dudley finds it hard to concentrate on classes since Jenna is sitting next to him.

She's new, and with her curly brown hair and brown eyes, she's the prettiest girl he has ever seen. They've talked a lot during the last weeks, and found that they share the same tastes in books and music.

He would like to invite her home, but there's Harry to consider. What if she's prejudiced, what if she dislikes him? Dudley knows he couldn't be friends with her any more, and he dreads the idea.

Having a crush for the first time sucks, he decides.

.-.-.-.

_58 - Invitation _

"Dudley?"

Dudley looks up from his lunch and sees Jenna standing in front of him. She looks flushed and nervous, fidgeting with the hem of her sleeve.

"Doyouwannacometomy placeonSaturdaybutmybrother's disabledandifyoulaugh Ineverwannatalktoyouagain!"

"Uh…I…can you say that again?"

She blushes even more, but doesn't look away.

"I said: do you want to come to my place on Saturday? But…my brother's disabled, and if you laugh at him, then…then I don't want to talk to you ever again!"

For some moments, Dudley stares mutely, Jenna looking back at him defiantly. Then he smiles, all worries about Harry now forgotten.

"I'd love to come."

Life is good.

.-.-.-.

_59 - Headlines_

_"Great Britain's Dark Lord Strikes Again – Boy Hero Scarcely Escapes With Life"_

Petunia looks down at the _Magical Mirror's_ headline and the photo beneath it. It shows a dark-haired boy in a hospital bed and, to her surprise, Severus sitting by his side.

At first, she feels guilty. But then she listens to Harry in the living room – a sixteen-year-old who's struggling to count to twenty with his father's help, and the feeling fades. It could be worse; it could have been Harry, and he wouldn't end up in hospital. For him, it would be a coffin.

"Good luck, Neville Longbottom."

.-.-.-.

_60 - Confusion_

Seventeen-year-old Harry has a girlfriend now. Sarah goes to school with him; she's blond, her blue eyes slanted almost imperceptibly from her mild Down's Syndrome.

They do homework together and hold hands, and sometimes, there is a kiss on the cheek. Remus and Dudley are happy for them – truth be told, they're adorable to watch – but it makes Petunia uncomfortable.

It's not that she dislikes Sarah; she doesn't know why it irritates her so. It feels wrong, that's all she can come up with, and she resents herself for it. Why on earth can't she enjoy seeing Harry so happy?


	13. Chapter 13

_61 - Fear_

"He's still a little boy in his mind! He shouldn't have a girlfriend yet."

"He's a teenager." Remus speaks softly, stroking Petunia's back slowly. "You know what Dr. Rayburn said. It's the same as with other boys his age. You're not doing him a favour if you can't let go." She's tensing under his touch, and he wishes he could spare her this. "You know that he'll even move out in some years."

She stays silent for a long while before she nods.

"I know. But I'm scared. I'm scared he'll get hurt when I can't protect him any more."

.-.-.-.

_62 - Courage_

Petunia sees Harry flinch at the insult, and immediately, she's ready to rush to his side. But then he straightens himself, and she hesitates.

Slowly, Harry wipes the drool from his chin with his neckerchief. "I'm not stupid," he says, his voice soft but firm. "I'm disabled. It's because I had an accident. If you had an accident I wouldn't laugh at you like this, that's not nice."

The two teenage boys look stunned and ashamed and leave quickly after a mumbled apology. Maybe, Petunia thinks, feeling frightened and relieved at once, maybe Harry doesn't need so much protection anymore.

.-.-.-.

_63 - Necessity_

Dudley looks down at his sleeping cousin with a heavy heart. Harry stopped his regular visits to Dudley's bed over two years ago – this time, it's Dudley who came to Harry.

Tomorrow, he'll go away to college to study psychology. He knows it's the right thing to do – their parents were very convincing, telling him it's necessary that he live his own life for a few years before settling down here as an adult - and Remus will Apparate him home every second weekend, yet he still can't imagine leaving Harry behind.

This night, sleep won't come for a long time.

.-.-.-.

_64 - Pride_

Harry wishes Dudley didn't have to go away. He'll come back on weekends, but it won't be the same. They've never been separated longer than three weeks in summer.

Yet Dudley explained that it's because he wants to become a doctor just like Dr. Rayburn, to be able to help people like she did with Harry. Harry realises that this is important – nobody should feel as bad as he did back then.

He can't help crying the day they have to part, but from now on, whenever people ask about his family, he proudly tells about Dudley becoming a "psy-cholo-gist".

.-.-.-.

_65 - Relief_

Petunia is crying, Remus's arms firmly around her, a _Magical Mirror_ lying on the kitchen table.

Later, she might feel guilty: for Neville looking pale and old despite being only twenty; for the way Severus is gripping the handles of the young man's wheelchair so tightly; for all the names listed next to the picture – the names of those who didn't make it.

Right now, however, there is nothing but relief. Harry is alive, Neville too, and Voldemort isn't – and that is all that really matters.

Finally, after ten years of hiding, they don't have to be afraid any more.

_The End_


End file.
